I heard this statement several years ago: “If it’s not on the gram, did it even happen?” And over time, the emotions it evokes have shifted in a big way.

In the beginning, it was a really cool thing to say. We loved being able to share our highlights, to show that we have so many friends that we do awesome things with, that we’re really living life.

Now, this is a reminder of the mandatory performance – the documentation – without which no experience can be complete.

For example, at a end of a very enriching, very-IRL-social, very draining 2-day design conference, I could only feel that the experience was truly “complete” only after I’d posted about it on social media (both Instagram and LinkedIn, in the formats relevant to each.) Of course this has its benefits – mostly marketing for the professional side of me. And of course there’s a toll too – because of course I wanted to get into the exhausting process of creating the perfect visuals (or video) & writing the perfect caption for these. And then post it at the right time, and then hope that the likes and comments flow. If they didn’t, I’d be lying if I said that they it didn’t dampen my experience just a little bit. So a very amazing IRL experience could end on a not-so-great note because it didn’t translate well on social media.

🪭

IRL, the last 3 weekends have been BIG.

• Two Sundays back, I ran my first 10K at the New Delhi Marathon, with my husband running 42K, dad running 10K and my sister & mom doing their first 5Ks each. It was a truly special day.

• Last Sunday, I was at the Goa Book Fair where I did one workshop for kids (Design Your Own Book Cover) & one talk for those who want to self-publish.

• Yesterday (Sunday, 8th March), I was in Chennai for a close friend’s wedding and the whole weekend was a major catch-up sesh with college friends. Normally, my stories would be flowing with photos evoking a heady mix of nostalgia, cheer & visual delight.

🎀

On social media, my last 3 weekends have been pin-drop silence.

(Barring one story I reposted on my private account, I have to accept. Seeing my friend share & look at stories on & off during our 3 days together really made me feel like doing this)

A lot of social media sharing is about having conversation starters with others. Perhaps I’d have had little chats with more college friends (who weren’t at the wedding) if I’d posted pictures yesterday & day before. I know how often I feel connected to friends, even though we’ve not had a chance to talk much, simply because of a social media post. And I don’t think that’s a lesser form of connection. I’m currently feeling like it’s a good-enough replacement for when it’s practically impossible to have deep conversations with everyone that you genuinely like and feel connected to.

So, I started with the question: if I didn’t post about any of these big things, did they really happen?

I know the answer to that one: They sure did. And documented or not, they really did happen. I enjoyed them thoroughly. (And I think there’s a part of me which wants to keep the experience alive for just 24 hours more by posting a few stories.)

Follow-up question: Then what does sharing really mean to me? There’s a distinction between celebrating others and marketing oneself, but where do we draw that line? Is sharing joy (yours or others’) inherently self-promotional? Does it always have to be?

Sharing the milestones of others – isn’t it one more way of celebrating the ones we love?

After the running event, my sister put up a story about it tagging me, and I was quite tempted to repost. But I asked myself — what for? Just to signal to the world that I did this, and that I am being celebrated? That feels kinda boastful. Like it belongs under the category of “marketing/personal branding activity”. And that marketing activity is what I’m taking a break from..

After thinking about it for a minute, I decided to not repost it.

But now, I want to put up stories celebrating my friend who just got married, and all the other friends I met who I was soooo happy & proud to see after years!

It feels very different from posting about your own wins.

These are the ongoing questions to grapple with and I’m not quite ready to land on a conclusion. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe the ending isn’t a resolution, but an acknowledgment: this is something I’m still figuring out.